When the world feels heavy

When the world feels heavy

The world feels heavy right now, doesn't it?  It's been such a long two years of coronavirus and in the flick of a switch Sky News changed their titles from Covid to the Ukraine crisis, we literally went from a pandemic to war in Europe in the blink of an eye.  You'd be forgiven for feeling exhausted and helpless right now.

The thing is, covid hasn't even gone, the government is just choosing to ignore it, I'm hoarding LFTs for when they stop being free as being a wedding photographer, I feel like it's my own personal responsibility to make sure I don't go to a wedding with covid and risk making someone's elderly relative very poorly or worse...

Of course, if we end up with war breaching Ukraine into a NATO country like Poland then we are truly screwed and in world war 3, some would say that won't happen but anyone who doesn't also believe that Putin is a maniacal dictator is also lying to themselves right now!

It's okay to feel heavy

It's okay to feel heavy, it's okay to feel confused, it's okay to feel completely discombobulated, your feelings are valid whatever they are and no matter what anyone else says to you. I'm an empath so I always feel these things like they're sitting right on my shoulders.  A few months ago I stopped watching the news and it was blissful but I also have a constant need for information so I found myself reinstalling Sky News on my phone.

Take a break

Take a break from doomscrolling, whether that be a walk in the park or an adventure to a place you've always wanted to go.  I currently have travel guides to Somerset, Devon and Cornwall and I have another arriving today about Oxford and the Cotswolds.  My usual trauma responses are to travel and go on adventures or if I can't do that I just throw more fairy lights at it.  I was a guest on a podcast yesterday and I was explaining that every time I get agoraphobic I go somewhere far away because for some reason my brain loves to travel even if I can't face going beyond my gate on some days.

We do not know how things are about to play out with the war or with covid but for your own sake you have to just try and be happy and try to find little pockets of joy in each and every day, for me, that ultimately means wandering with my camera, taking happy, colourful or interesting photographs to share with the world.  

Ways to support my writing

If you have enjoyed this article or found it useful and would like to support my writing I'd love a virtual coffee

I also have a lovely Facebook group I'd love you to come and join 

You could also come and follow me on Instagram or  TikTok keep up with my adventures, I really am grateful for all

of your love and support.

Oh and of course, you could just treat yourself to something lovely from Philomena's Boutique, my gift boutique

which is diverse, sustainable and totally lush!

Thinking about Travel

The interior of the Corn Exchange, Leeds, spot the dinosaur 😉

Thinking about Travel

Today seemed like a good day to write.  After a week of being battered by storm Dudley, Eunice and now Franklin, staying at home never seemed quite so inviting.

I have to admit that all I can think about at the moment is travel, I want to explore, have adventures, take a billion photos and videos.  My last trip away (except a 1 day trip to Edinburgh to photograph a wedding at the Intercontinental hotel) was a minibreak to Windemere, I was photographing a wedding and managed to turn it into a 2-night trip.  That was early September and since then I have been at home.  Furthermore, I damaged my cruciate ligament and then became chronically depressed and for a while, over winter I ended up in situational poverty.  Life took a battering but I'm pleased to say that things are changing and the days are getting brighter not just outside my window but also in my mind.

I've been thinking about travel again this morning, some must-see places this year for me are - 

• London (a return trip but there's nowhere with quite so many photographic opportunities 
• Brighton, an independent artists dream, so much colour just waiting to be discovered
• Bristol, one of the most colourful cities in the UK
• Devon and Cornwall, it's such a long journey to get there but it's been on my travel bucket list for years
• Scotland (as always a return trip and this one to Perthshire is already booked in my calendar)

I also really want to visit the Shetland Isles but it's a huge and epic trip, it may have to wait until 2023 and it's really dependent on how many weddings I can get booked into my calendar as getting to Shetland is more expensive than flying to Europe!!

Speaking of which, there are so many cheap flights available at the moment I could probably tour the whole of Europe for the same price as one of my expeditions and get some sunshine in the mix too but I've waited too long to see some of the places I've mentioned and this is the year I reclaim my life.

In saying all of that, I am still one of the very few people not to have had covid, my friend Rachel and I are the last ones standing as far as we know, even HRH, The Queen has covid now!!  I'm not sure I fancy the odds on a 12 hour Megabus trip to Exeter, triple facemasks maybe???

I will, of course, be doing all of my trips on a budget,  I am the queen of cheap travel after all!!  I have 2 accommodation vouchers for 2-night stays which will help and I've asked the kids for train vouchers for Mother's Day.  I am probably going to do most of my travel in the early part of the year as August is busy with weddings.  I need to have both the time and income to be able to do all of the above but I have a plan.

Cheap trains like the Lumo are going to help and I'm not averse to 12 hours on a Megabus to Exeter as the train (which costs £250) takes around the same time and it costs around £70 max return.  I'll also go with single room accommodation booked at the last minute and I can usually score some bargains that way.

I actually did a National Express journey last summer from Leeds to Newcastle and it was okay, perfectly acceptable.  I have done 7 hours on a Megabus to Birmingham, it was okay, only the toilet was horrendous but on the 12-hour journey, you have to change three times which must surely be the loo stops with a stretch of legs.  I've also checked for cheap internal flights and you can do a return to Bristol for around £70 - £100 depending on how far ahead you're booking and flying to Bristol takes around an hour as opposed to spending 5-7 hours on a train.

So lots of plans in progress and I've just ordered myself the Lonely Planet guide to Cornwall which is only going to make me crave travel even more than I am right now but I also know, it's just around the corner and soon I will be packed and waiting for my next train to adventure.

Ways to support my writing

If you have enjoyed this article or found it useful and would like to support my writing I'd love a virtual coffee

I also have a lovely Facebook group I'd love you to come and join 

You could also come and follow me on Instagram or  TikTok keep up with my adventures, I really am grateful for all

of your love and support.

Oh and of course, you could just treat yourself to something lovely from Philomena's Boutique, my gift boutique

which is diverse, sustainable and totally lush!

Brighter days are coming

Brighter days are coming she repeated to herself, not sure whether it was a manifestation or a mantra...

It's been a tough start to the year and I'm so exhausted that yesterday I went to meditate and I woke up 2 hours later, I thought that might wreck my sleeping patterns but it seems that chronic fatigue is currently the order of the day and I could possibly win the Gold medal for sleeping for England.

My health is a joke, as are my finances but I keep pushing myself onwards knowing that I have weddings this year and in a month or so I'll start receiving income from those and so I just need to get there.  On paper, I have 2 potentially successful businesses, one of which was super successful before the pandemic and one which is still a startup but has the most amazing potential if I could just grow the audience past the 3000 or so people I've attracted in the last 18 months.  At first, when I started the boutique I had the money for advertising thanks to the government but now as I try to stop direct debits from bouncing and my covid debts spiralling it really feels like a long way from where I want to be.

There is no answer, of course, I live on a weekly food waste hamper I get from a local charity for £15, as frugally as possible and each week I scramble to pay my rent and top up my energy meters before they run out of money.  I went over to PAYG energy a few years ago because of the lean winters as a photographer and it does help to have no big bills but right now, it's like a battle.

I am doing everything I can to push each business and I hope to take on a few more weddings this year, I think I have around 15 now and I'd like to reach 25-30 if possible because weddings are guaranteed income (lockdowns allowing of course).  I was going to retire completely at the end of the year but I've decided to keep my hand in and just photograph some smaller weddings next year, 2,3,4 hour bookings, perfect for me really.  I am still really good at what I do, I just need to get through the pre-wedding anxiety which has me in knots.  When I get there I love it, I am the least anxious person there thanks to my superpower.  It's weird how my brain works.

This week, on Friday, I am going to see my doctor, I want to get reassessed to see if I have ADHD, I did an online test where I scored 11/12 and 6/6 so I think it's probable, suffice to say, I think there's also a possibility that I could win an award for the most screwed up unquiet brain in Britain but hey, at least I get uber creativity as a reward.  I also want to sort out my weight, I am unhappy in my current body but need help as the traditional things don't work so I'm going to have a chat about Saxenda and see what the process is for that, I'd like to be a whole new person by the time I'm 50!

At the end of 2020 I got some travel vouchers for a collaboration I did so currently I have 2, 2 night breaks just waiting to be taken and for Mother's Day, I'm getting some train vouchers.  I plan to put the breaks to good use and take my camera to create more original photographic art I can sell through Philomena's Boutique.  to me, the boutique combines all that I love and need in my life, I get to be creative, I get to make things and I also get to complement that with things that I love, it's hard now but if I can successfully increase its audience then one day it has the potential to be incredibly successful.

I do not know what the future holds but there's one thing I am holding on to and that is that brighter days are coming...

Ways to support my writing

If you have enjoyed this article or found it useful and would like to support my writing I'd love a virtual coffee

I also have a lovely Facebook group I'd love you to come and join 

You could also come and follow me on Instagram or  TikTok keep up with my adventures, I really am grateful for all

of your love and support.

Oh and of course, you could just treat yourself to something lovely from Philomena's Boutique, my gift boutique

which is diverse, sustainable and totally lush!