The diary of a slightly demented middle aged woman - part 3

August 28th 2019

Sighed approximately 432 at the day's news, watched the news channel, signed several petitions and got quite cross at several points, getting cross is such a British thing isn't it?

I do think that we British are fabulous at protesting in a peaceful way so congratulations to the person protesting outside of parliament with his glockenspiel, I only really recognised "Wombling Free" and I can't work out what that's got to do with Brexit but bravo, it can't be easy carrying a glockenspiel around London when it's crowded.

Weighed myself, I've lost 3.5lb, weighed Holly Bobbins, she's lost another 100g, we shall be slinky Mandy with the slinky beagle before the end of the year.

Questioned why ready to eat peaches cost £1.85 but ripen at home peaches cost £1, now I think this is a scandal we should be protesting (with glockenspiels if necessary) I don't want to buy fruit I can only eat in a week or fruit which you put in the fridge and it never ripens until they day you want it and then it's magically overripe!

Bought unripe fruit with a very British resolve that I will just eat it hard and like it, screw you, supermarkets!

August 29th 2019

have resolved to go and peacefully protest on Saturday after work, did think about making a "Beagles against Boris" placard but called our quiz team the same name last night instead as a mini protest.  I bet Boris didn't even care, I doubt he even likes a pub quiz.

Spotted a few nice bearded men in the local, this, however, means I cannot speak to them, I go mute if they're even near me and I have to ignore their entire presence which doesn't bode well for me ever finding my lobster, who cares though?!  I have years before I am shrivelled and dead (she said, hoping).

August 30th 2019

Stayed in bed for most of the day, awoke with "driller biller killer" migraine and feeling rougher than a 45-year-old woman with a hangover, I don't even drink!  I am assuming my new resolve to be a social butterfly didn't account for the fact that the general public en masse is full of germs.

Sent Looby to Morrison's to look for emergency avocado's, apparently, there were none, not a single one, there must be some kind of avocado crisis.  She also came back with cat food when I asked for cat soup (for our old and infirm cat, Pyracantha who hates us) so I'm not ringing Huw from the BBC just yet!

August 31st 2019

Went to work followed by a protest against Boris Johnson and his crazy cabinet of wannabe dictators, proud of being there with my son (his first protest, proud mother moment), it turns out that protesting makes you really hungry so we went for lunch straight after the end of the protest which really, well it seems a terribly British thing to do!  We sit in the middle of roads, we meet others doing the same and then we have a terribly nice time getting to know each other.  I think we're the best at peaceful protests.  I did see at least 4 vicars leading each other through the crowd towards the end of the protest, again if a crowd of vicars are protesting then it must be bad, did Jesus ever stage protest marches I wonder?

September 1st 2019

The realisation that I am now nearer to 50 than I am to 40 has just hit me, mostly because my son turns 23 on Friday, even on my rough days I'm pretty sure I don't look like I am approaching 50, maybe there's been some kind of mistake with the numbers, after all, I was never very good at maths.

Unceremoniously fell out of my gate on my way to work, I tried to cling on with my nails as I saw myself in slow motion falling into next doors wheelie bins before I finally landed on my bottom with a thwack, luckily it was early and no one saw, my bottom has been hurting ever since.

Got caught in a super scary storm on the beach which seemed to go from 0-150mph in the space of seconds, couldn't catch my breath, though I might die and then I remembered it was Tynemouth Lonsgsands and not the Sahara, even though I was on the secret beach, it's not the same as being trapped in the middle of a desert in a sand storm.

Went to the pub quiz and had 3 whole glasses of Viognier (first time since February), did not die or have horrid hot flush, skipped home at 10.30pm in a haze of slightly squiffy happy bounciness.

September 2nd 2019

Stayed in pyjamas, headache caused by happy wine drinking, note to self, alcohol consumption is not big, nor is it clever...

September 3rd 2019

Finally caved into the young adults of the house and bought a microwave, thankfully technology has moved on since I had one 10 years ago and you can now cook things in dishes instead of having to cook everything in bowls, yes, a flatbed microwave, how very up to date!  I suspect all they'll use it for is the heating of beans and the reheating of Chinese food but I shall be stocking up on Jamie Oliver grains which never seem to cook as well in a wok!

Mostly felt dreadfully depressed at the political shenanigans going on currently, my son and I have decided that we need new swear words, ones you must never use, Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees Mogg were the most hideous ones we could come up with.