The Tenerife Trip Which Changed Everything. #todayihave

(n.b. if you are confused about the writing style of this blog, you need to read this post)

Today I have...

14th August 2019

Walked from one side of Puerto de la Cruz to the other,

Chatted with a dog and his owner,

Booked trips to go up Tiede and to see the dolphins in the wild,

Watched a woman telling her husband to photograph her being fun with a fountain 🤣,

Found out that yes, you can crochet a house I have seen the proof!

Swam, am now an olympian swimmer!

Read some of a book,

Walked over 9 miles or 22,000 steps,

Put my feet in the Atlantic Ocean,
Fed my Jamon addiction,
Sunbathed for more than 5 minutes,
Ate a peach that was so good I nearly cried with joy!

Thought to myself that you can fit quite a lot into 1 day when you’re on holiday on your own.

15th August 2019

Finally spotted a Canarian beagle, he looked quite happy and beagly

Went to Loro Parque

Cried because...

1. Baby Robin the dolphin hasn’t learnt all of the tricks yet but he tries hard.

2. They have a rescue Orca who’s deaf and she’s just had a baby orca, she would have been euthanised without the zoo’s intervention.
3. Sea lions just being adorable
4. Life is wonderful really

Got soaked by an Orca 

Walked 7.6 miles 

Swam

Sunbathed for 1 whole hour, this is a relaxation miracle for me!

Went out for tapas and an Aperol Spritz.

16th August 2019

Climbed a volcano

Stood in a crater

Took the highest cable car ride I’ve ever been on

 
Realised I’m not cut out for mountain climbing

Had an altitude headache 

Ate tapas 

Spoke to a Spanish speaking cat who didn't respond to hello but once I said a cheery "Ola" he was my new feline best friend!

Drank Sangria 

Decided I like the green mojo sauce better than the red one 

Found out there’s a better 4g signal from the top of a volcano than there is in some parts of Northumberland, how can this be in the year of 2019?

Had an involuntary 1-hour nap, I lay down and it just accidentally happened!

Read 50 more pages of a book

17th August 2019

Decided to be terribly virtuous and walk to the botanic gardens instead of getting a taxi.

Regretted decision to walk after realising it was 1.5 miles up twelvty billion steps, at points I thought my heart would explode.

Felt very fit having completed exercise goals and move goals before 9.30am

Watched bright red dragonflies frolicking amongst the water lilies.

Became slightly horrified realising just how big your average houseplant really grows when it’s in the right conditions (run, triffids, help, never underestimate a ficus).

Spoke to a cat who was quite vocal that I’d disturbed him whilst he was eating a small lizardy thing.

Chatted with a much friendlier lizard, disabled with only one front foot but living the dream living in the Orchid gardens.

Tried to cunningly plan walking out of the orchid gardens with all of the orchids, not the most practical idea I’ve come up with.

Had my first and last bubble waffle, probably more addictive than heroin and destroyed all of my earlier virtuous exercise goals.

Had disappointing tapas at a touristy restaurant, my own fault (stick to the back streets Mandy).

Had a fish foot spa followed by a deep tissue massage resulting in a headache and lie down for 2 hours.

Complained to myself about the heat this afternoon at least 4 times, 34c does not like Mandy.

Ate steak at a restaurant with the best view this evening and realised it was cheaper than tapas.

Hatched plan to move to the Canary Islands once the kids have left home, cheap steak, sunshine every day and no way can their political system be any more screwed than ours. (Actually impossible if you ask me)

Took the perfect Insta-Moron photo with all of the filters, my career as an influencer is unlikely to blossom because of this.

18th August 2019

Went on a boat trip to see Whales and Dolphins in the wild.

Saw a pride of pilot whales

Saw a pod of dolphins

Swam in the sea at Masca but only for 30 seconds as the cold water made me panic that I would drown, I don't like swimming in deep seawater where I can't touch the bottom even though I am a proficient swimmer with childhood badges to prove it!

Took approximately 1 photo and 1 video where you could actually see any of the whales due to the boat being full with twelvty thousand Spanish and German “National Geographic Photographers” all clambering to the side of the boat,  the only photo I got was from underneath someone’s armpit!

Uy’ed at the bad buffet

Uy’ed at the fact that my P20 factor 30 did not help at all with the Canarian sun

Uy’ed at all of the people who got seasick ( its a 4.5 hour cruise in the Atlantic sea, what did you think would happen?)

Spent 4 hours on a bus to get to and from the boat trip wishing I was not on said trip.

Had a sudden anxious thingy about filling in my tax return even though it’s only August and my accountant (God bless her for putting up with me) mostly does everything anyway.

Booked a trip to La Gomera by jeep for tomorrow to restore faith in my trip booking abilities.

Lost Harriet’s sunglasses

Found Harriet’s sunglasses

Made plans to buy me some sunglasses of my own.

Lamented the fact that tomorrow’s trip pickup is at 6.30am and not even from my hotel.

Had a conversation with my son about moving to Scotland when they declare independence because of Brexit clusterfuck.

Decided a career in wildlife photography is not for me.

Ate Cheetos and giant corn for dinner because I couldn’t be bothered to go back out for dinner.

19th August 2019

Got up at 5.30am to go on today’s trip (Uy) 

Realised since I decided to replace swear words by just saying Uy, I say it approximately 7936 times a day...

Shared a jeep with Margaret and James from Glasgow, hurrah for the Scottish!

Also shared a jeep with an angry Russian woman who seemed awfully cross for someone on their holidays.

Went around the island of La Gomera in a jeep, probably one of the most amazing travel experiences I’ve ever had, La Gomera is so breathtaking that photographs will never match seeing it in real life.

Watched a demonstration of the whistling language of La Gomera, I can’t even speak Spanish nor can I whistle, decided this is not a language for Mandy.

Ate almond cake, finally! 

Swapped peaches for nectarines because it was all I could get, disappointing!

Decided I should skip Christmas after last years disappointing year and subsequent meltdown.

Lamented that children might disown me if I skip Christmas.

Asked Looby if we can travel in September only to be told “No” (Uy)

Booked a late checkout for 3pm for my transfer at the oddly precise time of 3.38pm (sob...)

Decided on new blog format (Today I have) which will surely become an award-winning tv show/movie/book  😉

Lamented the state of the British political system to my son, again!

Noticed my shoulders drop and then realised the irony of this happening on Day 6.

Finally smashed the happy and relaxed selfie!

Wondered (at length) why Margaret and James didn’t take one single photo, not even a camera phone snap, I bet they’re those weird sorts who haven’t a single photo in their house 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Decided I’m much more fun/humorous when I only have to exist inside my own head and made a note to self to travel much more to destinations where no one speaks English.

20th August 2019

Sighed 495 times because of impending departure back to rainy old England.

Walked the whole neighbourhood of Puerto de la Cruz taking more random photos in case I forget what it looks like.

Had last Canarian peach of the trip (sob).

Made plans for a sit-in and subsequently refuse to leave.

Had word with self to remind self that a holiday is only fun because it’s a holiday, even Canadians must sigh or Uy occasionally.

Finished a whole book,  I am now top bibliophile of the year

Had approximately twelvty hundred anxious thoughts about the return to rain, work and Brexit.

Decreed to never watch the news again or think about rain, politics or Brexit.

Got quiet transfer to airport noticing no one spoke although did observe at least 22 inward sighs from surrounding passengers.

Decided after an important business convo with my best friend that “Today I have...” will be converted to a weekly blog post, she remarked “Well I find you funny with your random mandyisms”

Forgave best friend for lack of capitalisation of own name...

Spent money on random guilt souvenir tat for daughter including slightly confused looking lizard cuddly toy which was an improvement on sad-looking squashed faced parrot toy.