The Joy of Missing Out

A couple of years ago when my business was flying and I had the ability to make 5 figures a month I decided that I needed to do it all, I travelled, I bought new tech, I invested in my business and I was shooting 20 sessions every weekend and then having them edited by a Monday evening, in addition to the photography I was also earning a modest income from blogging and writing which lead to lots of extra trips.  The harder I worked, the more income I created but I also needed to challenge myself to earn more and more money, I thought that this was the thing that my children would be proud of.  Looby requested trips in this country but Abigail, the go-getter that she is requested 8 days on the Cote d'Azur.  I worked tirelessly that year and then I got to the end of November 2017 and I crashed, I crashed bad, I was worn out, burnt out and I lost my love of photography, so much so that I decided to give it all up.  I was a victim of the theory that more equals more, that you can have it all and if you just work harder and harder you will end up happy.

Wrong, if you work so hard that if affects your mental health, that if affects the ability to do the job that you adored, if you work so hard that all you can see is a target of more and more money and things and trips, let me tell you, you've got it all wrong!

This is the lesson I've learnt the hard way, I've regressed years into an agoraphobic state and to anxiety so chronic I just wanted to hide, I did hide for a long period, in the spring of 2018 I barely worked and I didn't regain my love of photography until late last year.  

Let's fast forward to where I am right now, January was probably my worst ever month, I earned just enough to cover our bills and ran out of money at the end of it, I've limped into the start of February and I'm just about supporting us all, this years tax return will probably show a difference of around £20k less income than the last year but...

I'm overall happier, I've organised my life, my home, I've rarely been out other than for dog walks or with Looby on our missions to the bargain shops of Newcastle.  I light candles, I snuggle in cosy blankets and I collaborate with select companies which I know I can identify with like 45 Revs, a clothing company which has it's roots in Northern Soul, something my friends know I adore, I mean who doesn't feel happy when listening to my ultimate summer song California Soul?

If you don't know what Northern Soul is Wikipedia is your friend and if you do, well you'll identify with the fact that it's the best music out there and there are lots of amazing Northern Soul DJ's up in Newcastle, something I'm thankful for, my best ever New Year's Eve was a mix of Northern Soul DJ's at Ernest a couple of years ago.

Suffice to say I love the movement and without a doubt I always Keep the Faith so when they sent me a hat and hoodie I discovered the love of simple cosy clothing, it's actually the first hoodie I've ever owned and the reason I love it is because it's not gathered with a waist emphasising huge pocket on the front!

At the moment my days are filled with planning the future, clearly there needs to be a balance between doing less and not burning out, I made the decision to continue with photography for as long as I feel I can give it my all and really, it's my first love.  I've stopped eating take-aways and cook every day from our fully stocked cupboards I've been working towards having, I might have been slightly spurred on by Brexit prepping but it's made me a wholly better person to have organised spaces.

It's funny that you can make less and be happier but there truly is joy in missing out, a few weeks ago I found out that there's a book published this very day by Svend Brinkmann called "The Joy of Missing Out" (which I managed to grab an advance copy of) and yes, we share a love of philosophy but I absolutely identify with all of his points that this need to have everything, to have it all, is actually counter-intuitive and there's real joy in having less, doing less, nourishing ourselves a little more by living more simply.

Now at my very heart is a serial entrepreneur who comes up with new business ideas at least five times a day but I'm reining myself in and just concentrating on things like residual income which happens whether I work or not, it's not something easy to build up but it is something worth working towards if you're not already on that path, think of residual income as something that can be built by helping others reach their goals and finding out the things they need in their lives and helping them achieve that.  Affiliate marketing, workshops, coaching programmes, stock photography, they're all forms of residual income.

I'm still figuring out my exact path in life but whilst I'm not coming to events or parties or to the pub, I'm truly loving life at home, living simply, cooking, prepping for the future, for me at 45, there really is joy in missing out.

This article contains links to clothing from 45 Revs and Sven Brinkmann's book, both of which I was gifted but not paid to write about, and both of which I was happy to collaborate with because they're the simple pleasures I identify with.