If you've read my last post you'll know that Christmas wasn't everything I wanted it to be last year (feels so weird to be saying last year when it wasn't even 2 weeks ago), I found myself lonely and isolated, yearning for company and also for answers to fix myself and my life without actually leaving the house. Yes, that's the conundrum, I'm not the biggest fan of leaving the house unless it's for work or with people which throws up all kinds of challenges.
I did however find some kind of weird solace in cleaning and organising my home and if you have been following me on Instagram you'll know exactly what I mean, if you don't, then suffice to say, my kitchen cupboards have never been more organised and my entire life seems to have gravitated towards living in baskets, not me, living in baskets, my general stuff, effluvia, my accoutrements!
Apparently as a nation we're currently all cleaning crazy thanks to Mrs Hinch and other such influencers, let me tell you though, I've never found watching cleaning quite so fascinating as I have since I started following Mrs Hinch on Instagram, the woman is a marvel and it's hardly surprising that she's accumulated over one and a half million followers in less than a year. I don't know her complete history but I do know that like me, she has anxiety and she uses cleaning to alleviate it. What's fascinating is I can see why she finds cleaning so effective, for years when I'm angry or upset is when I nest the most, there's something very soothing about organising when your life feels like it might be spiralling out of control.
I think for a long time there have been some things in my life which I need to address, in September this year I'll have been separated for 5 years which means I can finally go and get a no fuss divorce, I never wanted there to be acrimony or hatred and even though we don't speak to each other I still think of him highly and always will as he's the father of my daughters and they adore him. I do though need to move on with my own life, not that I'm looking for anything or anyone in particular, in fact I think I've just settled on being happily single with Holly Bobbins at my side for the rest of my life, yes, I may well experience pangs of loneliness but all things considered, when I look at other people's relationships I think I'm definitely better off not in one!
I have some things I need to tackle, I've already made a huge decision to continue with my photography business but I think there need to be changes, the way we do business in general is changing, technology, the economy, Brexit (God help us all), social media. I think I need to re-examine how I do business and how I can adapt to what the market needs most right now. I know photography makes me happy and I can't live without it, the gap in my life would be a huge chasm of emptiness and I really don't think that would be good for my future mental health.
I also of course have spent a long time examining myself as a person, I think I'm a good person and I want to try and do as much good as possible, but I also think I need to keep trying to be a better, more open, more loving and all around more giving person and if I can achieve that, I'll be happier and more fulfilled.
I also want to try and help other women win at business, I want to try and help as many as possible through my work with The Inspire Network, currently I'm struggling in knowing what the future holds there but I also think the way we do business and the way we network is so different to the way we used to when the network was set up. We do need to make some kind of income from it, if only to pay for the monthly running costs so it's important to look at that and see what I can do. There are ways to run businesses which make money but don't cost other people anything such as affiliate marketing and perhaps that's the future, I'm completely open to suggestions and feedback and will listen with an open mind and the utmost of respect to any and all ideas. I just want to help the people who aren't succeeding and also push those who are even further because 1, you can do anything on your own terms and 2. when women support women, magic happens.
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