Well it's been another relentless week with endless days, a change in the company structure (again) and stuff to deal with that no one could have planned for, I guess my experience of running a company has been much like my experience of shooting my first wedding all those years ago, a baptism of fire!
I think I've already admitted that learning how to be a CEO isn't easy but I do have inner strength and utter resilience and after all, I've overcome so many obstacle's in my life to get to right here, right now that I know we as a company are growing in strength every day that we exist.
So much good has happened, no less than 31 licensed groups, 43 paid members, every day is about finding people who are on the same mission as me. My Linkedin pings me approximately once every hour with someone who wants to add me and then sends me a message trying to sell me help, consultancy, coaching, I'm not entirely sure that's the point of Linkedin but it certainly makes me prickly.
I'm a very straightforward person really, I am who I say I am, I'm always honest, I have learned some tact and diplomacy over the years but I recognise there's still a way to go. I do know that it's not always easy when you have anxiety because you always believe you are in the wrong and that people naturally hate you but in reality I try to spread only love, if you ask anyone, I rarely say a bad word about anyone and if I do it's usually a question of "How can this person be this way, I don't understand?" because I naturally start with love in all relationships and between us, I'll never get my head around bullying or backbiting, to me it makes no sense at all.
I think we as women tend to internalise a lot of things, we are definitely the ones who deal with guilt and often we are great over thinkers, I guess this can lead to feelings of persecution but really it shouldn't, if you think someone has issues with you, what you should do is approach that person, offer out a hand of friendship or maybe even coffee and cake because you might just find someone is different on a one to one basis than they seem to you online or in emails.
I remember in my childhood doing a performing arts week and some girls saying to me "you're so different to what everyone say's you're like" I'd been bullied and the rumour mill was in overdrive and really it's this kind of thing that has followed me through life, a photographer met me a year or so ago and was honest enough to say "you're lovely, people told me that you didn't like other photographers and that you're crazy" (i'm paraphrasing but words to that effect) and I do internalise the facts that I wonder what it is that makes people even want to start rumours. Jealousy? Fear? I'm not really sure but I do know this, no one should ever be jealous of me and scared? No one should ever in a million years be scared of me.
This week in photography has been a dream, I've booked 5 weddings, 4 photo shoots and all in life is good, it deflects some of the challenges I face because I know well respected I am and so if I can just continue to get these feelings to grow and if I can reach people and let them really know the leader I am and that I am trying to be then truly I have the power to inspire and do great things. I know I have by my side the most amazing team and together we are going to change the world, you better watch this space because we've only just begun.
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