Dragging myself back to my desk this week has by no means been an easy task, I can't ever remember taking quite so long away from my business before and you know what? It felt great, not even crickets communicated during the Christmas and New Year and whilst there were still enquiries and bookings for weddings and photo shoots, it all just felt like it was at a much easier pace, I replied at my leisure and no one questioned my approach. Now I know that there are some emails which have to be answered within a few hours but it did make me wonder if I should be more mindful of just answering enquiries once a day instead of perpetually waiting with my inbox open waiting for emails to land, maybe it could be that I'm even sending emails way too keenly!
Life over the holidays was amazing, I must mention as well our new house sign for our gate which means that no one struggles with where to find us anymore, this is always an issue in our street but thanks to the House Nameplate Company the delivery drivers of the northeast thank you, I also think it looks smart upon my lovely blue gate, I love cost effective ways of smartening up my home.
During the break I also got to spend some time with my big girl (she'll hate me for calling her that), Abigail and I had a blissful couple of days in Lincoln which is the most gorgeous city, I loved the chance to spend time with her, we laughed a lot, we shopped and we ate, oh my God, we ate, my scales said scary things when I stepped on them this morning! I don't care though, Christmas and New Year were lovely and I'll lose that weight and more now I'm back to my usual routine.
Abigail quite rightly says that she loves me but she could never live with me again as I would drive her insane and I know this about myself, I could never live with anyone again really, I know I'm difficult and a bit odd and once my children flee the nest I'm sure I'm one of those people who is destined to live alone in a tiny shoebox of a home, of course I'll surround myself with the most fabulous people and I'm not even ruling out a relationship but I think it's better in matters of friendship, family and dare I say, of the heart, that I, Mandy Charlton should always have my own house, my own space, my own hermit hole because I give better when I don't have to give 24 hours a day. I know that sounds inherently selfish but I'm approaching my mid forties, surely it's better to cherish the time I spend with others rather than dreading that I have to spend the whole time with them, or them with me, like I said, I'm basically a weirdo extrovert introvert.
I don't want this to come across like I'm this unloveable person who only takes because that couldn't be further from the truth, it's actually more like, I love my friends and I want to give as much to my personal relationships as possible but full time I find it exhausting, some days I can barely deal with myself so I think it's more like self care. You see, as I was saying to my therapist yesterday, I don't do anything by halves and love is a prime example of that, I always go too far and I'm mindful of the fact that the last year of my life has been the most well-balanced I've probably ever had and that's how I would like it to continue, I'm scared of becoming obsessive about anything at all although I'm a workaholic but that's fine because I'm at a stage in my career where I have to be obsessed with it, I have to have the strength to always carry on because I have children and a beagle to support.
More than anything this year, I just want balance and harmony, I want to build on the past, never look back and always be future forward. The time has been and gone for looking backwards, it doesn't do any good and water under the bridge is exactly that, it makes no sense to sit and rehash it, you can't change the past after all, even if it was just 5 minutes ago (the unsend button in Gmail doesn't count).
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