Because I rarely publish posts at the exact moment when I've written them, I just want you to know that it's currently 12.30am and I did attempt sleep but none was forthcoming and now I'm wondering if I took 1 tablet instead of 2 this morning, one of my medications seriously messes with my sleep if I forget to take the right amount and sometimes in the morning when I'm so sleepy making coffee and I can barely see straight, yes occasionally I get a little more mixed up than I would like to admit.
The last couple of nights I have been asleep by 10 and this morning I woke up at 9am, 11 hours of sleep is definitely more like it, I've had this theory for a while that I'm actually becoming a cat!
So currently, and just to set the scene, it's dark, just me, lit by my iMac screen typing away furiously aghast that I'm still awake whilst Holly Bobbins snores loudly as she lies on a pillow, because the bed isn't soft enough, clearly! The house is quiet, everyone is asleep and it's just me and my thoughts, scary!
Today I worked the entire day, I edited up to date, I compiled and wrote my first gift guide release on my Huff Post column and I have all of the images for all of the items I have which means I can start writing the gift guides for my blog too. What's happening with that is I have 6 guides, each contains multiple items and my top 10 favourites then go into my Huff Post column, it seemed to me that it was the most sensible way to do things. There's only 1 small problem, I'm really lacking in gift guide gorgeousness for pet's, every other category is fine but the pet's guide I only have a couple of items so I may have to rethink that one.
I taught Looby about product photography today, one of those things they definitely don't teach you at school, she was so great and fabulous at doing all of the styling too, I know she wants to work with horses or in farming but I'm pretty sure if she ever wanted to have a side career in photography she would be amazing.
My anxiety levels have been really up and down but I worked on Sunday and with the most amazing clients, families I've photographed year upon year, they know me, they read my blog or follow me on social media and they were the exact clients I needed on Sunday, even in freezing temperatures I was still smiling by the end of my day. I think overall, its just been a case of being exhausted, the change in medication, being ill with an abscess in my stomach during half term, it's all taken it's toll a little and sometimes, well something has to give doesn't it, it doesn't mean I'm brilliant or that I'm failing and I've realised through the kindness of my clients that's it's okay to admit, today, I'm not so great.
I am however doing much better and I'm certain I'm going to make it to Christmas, and when that happens I shall be building a soft fort from pillows and squishy blankets and I shall be crawling inside it and not be coming out until the new year dawns. I'm well overdue for a weekend or two doing normal family things, do you know I've had around 3 whole weekends off this entire year, even when we go away I try to make sure I'm back in time for the weekends because that's when all of my portraiture happens, it's a weird old life I lead but I wouldn't change any of it for the world, well maybe the anxiety, no one would wish for acute anxiety!
Things are also more manageable with photo shoots, I'm not shooting on weekdays where possible, I've started taking my day off again on a Monday and I'm only shooting between 10-2 or 10-3 maximum on Saturdays and Sundays, I really do love how much my business has thrived in 2017 and thank goodness it has, you never really stop worrying about where your next paycheck is coming from when you are self-employed and I know that it could all fall apart tomorrow and no one might ever book me again, each day I sustain my life, my business and my health, well that's things we can all be grateful for.
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