This is a post that I meant to write last night but yesterday was such a whirlwind, in fact the whole weekend was like a mini cyclone with work so when I got home yesterday evening, I sat in front of the TV unable to say anything other than "Wibble"
So I'm writing this on Monday evening and it's a well timed post because when you read this on Tuesday it will be World Mental Health Day, a day when I think we just need to be out there talking openly about this subject, something I've advocated for years and it's relevant because this weekend for me has really passed in a haze of anxiety. I still went to work though, I still did a great job.
I've had anxiety for years, it's partly due to bipolar, it's partly due to the meds I take and it's partially to do with life in general! Do you ever feel sometimes that you can't do right for doing wrong?
I was trying to be organised, trying to plan my Christmas party early so that all of my friends could be there so me being "wise" I started a group message, put the date out there and, well, suffice to say, I have no idea what happened but all hell broke loose and I remembered why I am a hermit and not great at friendship. I'm kind of glad that Harriet puts up with me actually! So after spending an angst filled evening followed by a sleepless night and very much overthinking I've decided that I shall never try and be organised and whatever happens in my life I shall never be temped to try a group message. To be honest I hate Facebook messages at the best of times, for about 4 years I just stayed perpetually offline even when I was online. I do try to be slightly less hermit and more social butterfly (Yeah I know, who am I kidding eh?) but generally being the kind of person I am, I find friendship to be exceedingly complicated.
I also decided that I probably shouldn't have a Christmas party and then I though, to hell with it, I'm having one anyway, even if it's just me in a corner with jar of pickles and a bottle of sparkling water accompanying myself on the ukulele whilst doing Karaoke to show tunes, go on, you know you want to. At least I have Holly Bobbins, she's a total party animal.
I've also been worrying about dating again, do you know it's around a year since I put my dating profile on my blog? I am still single, still scouring the internet (when I can't sleep) for a swooshy haired bohemian, I've decided that some of my other requirements are negotiable but not the hair, now I'm not talking long hair, I'm talking surfer swooshy, let me tell you, I might have to move to Australia because that could be where he's currently hiding. I'm holding out for him though and if I never find him, well, hey ho, I'm happy to remain a hermit. Oh and I've just re-read my requirements from a year ago, let's just revise this to 33-40, swooshy, bohemian, funny, smart man who loves animals, travel, and cake. Must love Sci-Fi, Superheroes, and Christmas. If you know this man, please send him my way!
Aside from that, good things are happening, this week and next week I have 1 special day when both Looby and I are doing things with brands we love, I can't give too much away at the moment but look out for updates this Thursday and again next Wednesday, work is the constant that never let's me down and it's that continual push to stay alive in the world of business and to keep striving to achieve the next level that actually keeps me alive, so many times when I could be swallowed whole into dark places but I fight, I fight some more and then on the really tough days, well my inner strength is an insurmountable thing. Over and over, I say this every day and to you I say the same because I see this message everywhere and it speaks to me...
Do What You Love!
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