No sooner had I told Mr Plumb that I couldn't go out on a date with him for a week than he decided that was too long to wait and off he went, I mean, seriously, people have busy lives, he also said that "All work and no play..." well that's all very well and good but I have a great job thanks very much, I work super hard and I enjoy it, I realise my work is my life but it also takes me to gigs, concerts and on holiday, my friends think it's awesome because they get to come along and so might he if he'd realised his antiquated views on work were at the very least misguided.
It's probably a good thing that I found this out early but I mean, who can't wait a week for a date? The longer I online date, the more men confuse me. One man when I asked him my standard question told me that he wanted to kill the whole population of the world so that only he remained, now I'm not sure that's going to inspire anyone to go on a date with a potential mass serial killer.
Another man this week got so excited that I liked superheroes and musicals that it clearly left him unable to add any vowels in with his consonants, either that or he was writing in Welsh, suffice to say when I sent him a reply the second time which consisted of fully formed sentences I didn't hear from him again.
Maybe online dating was meant to convince me that really, I'm so much better off alone with a beagle by my side, it's quite got to me so today I escaped, I just needed to get into the countryside with Holly, I needed to be at one with nature because it always makes me feel better and it got me thinking of all of the ways that Holly is way better than most men!
1. She might smell but I can at least give her a bath without any argument.
2. When she takes up too much room on her side of the bed I can move her without too much complaint.
3. When I come home she always gives me a rock star welcome, even when I've only been away for five minutes.
4. She loves me unconditionally, no questions asked.
5. She loves it when I sing, especially songs from musicals.
6. She doesn't argue.
7. She gives the best cuddles ever.
8. She knows when I'm feeling sad or poorly and will come and look after me.
9. She doesn't mind that when we share cake that I get more of it than her.
This list could actually go on, and on and on and the truth is that it's going to take a very special kind of man who can prove that he's actually better than Holly Bobbins, I mean, I'm not sure there's anyone out there who's better than Holly but you can bet your bottom dollar that if he is out there, he's probably also a beagle parent or at the very least a lovely doggy daddy who's also looking for his soulmate.
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