Yesterday wasn't the best day, I accomplished very little other than the basic fundamentals of self-care, I didn't go anywhere, I spoke to barely anyone and my only friend was my dog and a pile of movies, it's a sign when you have seen every single movie on the Sky Valentine channel, I knew I was a movie buff (or a Cinephile if you want the correct term) but I really have seen a lot of movies!
I watched The Girl On The Train and then I watched Australia and then I watched The Truman Show, all great movies in their own genre, particularly Baz Luhrmann's Australia, a cinematic delight with the most beautiful cinematography I have ever witnessed, it had been a few years since I last watched it and something strange happened, I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Hugh Jackman, well it seems I've done an 180 degree turn where his face is concerned, I used to love unbearded Hugh and now I prefer him with a beard. I never really liked bearded faces you know, for many years I would dread when Paul would grow one and now I love beards, I'm not going to say the beardier the better but a well-coiffured beard and matching hair is always going to be a win, I'm a big fan of male grooming, we ladies have been doing it for years, I love that men are now embracing it.
I think perhaps the day I decided I needed to find a metrosexual man was possibly the start of my slide into a love of beards, I guess if you are in touch with your feminine side then you are going to have to even that out with a little hair. You know, when I was younger, the thought of finding a "nice" man wasn't that appealing, I think a lot of women rebuff the nice friendly men in the hope they'll find someone manly but you know what, I'm so done with the treat her mean to keep her keen kind, I'm done with passive aggressiveness and narcissism and I'm done with trying to fix lost causes, I have enough of my own issues without trying to make a big hard man try to love more.
I know I'm a bit broken at the moment and that's ok, I'm not asking anyone to fix me either, I'll do that myself with some people who are trained to help me, I don't want sympathy, I just need a little empathy and understanding, I need hugs and I do need to have supportive people around me, I don't think there's any shame in asking for that. While leaving part of my online life has left a huge gap in my life currently I know that in the coming months I will heal and I'll move on, the spring will come and I will want to be outdoors, I will spend my time walking in the sunshine and I'm making it my quest to find new real life people to spend time with, there's always room for more friends and even though I have social anxiety in some situations I'm going to try hard to work on that.
In writing about my life for so long now I really hope that what's happening now is just a speedbump, in every great story that's ever been told you have a beginning, a middle and an end and in the best stories you get plot twists all the way through, sometimes you don't even understand what's going on until just before the very end. Well, I hope that what I'm writing about now is the middle of my story and when we get to the end I hope it'll be the happiest chapter, maybe even the most surprising. Oh and if there are many more twists and turns ahead then I can't help but hope for the musical crossover, every story should have at least 1 musical episode!
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