Each story that I have ever told has had a beginning, a middle and an end, each post complete in its own individual merits, just like my views on images that each individual image should tell a story in itself. The last 3 months have been my favourite chapter on my blog and my biggest adventure in online dating because of meeting Mr France.
I'm going to London on Saturday and by this time next week we will both know if things are going to work or not, we've discussed the possibility that our first real life date could end up being completely disastrous and really, it's true, no matter how much you have chatted and Skyped online, real life is a different thing entirely.
In my heart I am hopeful but I am also being real enough to accept all of the possibilities that this may or may not work. We have talked a lot and I don't think that you can make friendship up so whether it works or not in a dating way I think we'll always have a friendship, I hope so anyway, he knows way too much!
In getting ready to meet him and after a weekend where I have wrestled with so many thoughts and anxieties in my head I have to come to terms with the fact that a lot of the last 3 months has been a vicarious adventure, something almost unreal which happened and yet didn't happen, the messaging and the Skype chats, yes they all happened and there's been nothing but good things to come out of them, we have laughed a lot and we have had some really serious conversations too.
I was always kind of vague about him and that's because I didn't want to expose him before he was ready, I know he says he is grumpy and has lots of faults and issues and yes he does, he's human but so am I and as I've already said I am far from perfect myself.
Some things remain, he is kind and he is funny, these things are facts, in looking at the relationships he has online, I've only found respect and love for him, he writes with honesty and he is always just the way he is, whether that be a mess or whimsical or funny or whether he's tackling something deadly serious or something more fun.
If there's one thing I've learnt, perhaps the hard way, is that you can never be too honest, he has taught me that it's better to just be yourself rather than project a better image of yourself, so where I would always be caught up in putting out there that I was the happiest, the best, the smiliest, the most whimsical (I love that word way too much) but I wasn't, yes, sometimes I was but I certainly wasn't as honest with him as I could have been because I wanted to only project the very best image of myself, now I'm not sure if this is something everyone does when they are interested in another person but I have promised to just be real now, I won't hide my emotions or always have the same emotion. I will still be silly and magical and whimsical because those emotions are very much part of me and there are almost certainly more musicals, movies and TV shows to plan together, more inventions no one has ever thought of and probably wouldn't buy but it's good to have that to distract you from the realities of the often mundanity of general day to day life.
Whatever happens, I will always be grateful for my Mr France and the happy thoughts he has brought me, for me to move on and for you dear readers to, we have to say goodbye to him, next week I'll write about him whatever happens but he won't be Mr France, he'll just be the real him with his good bits and his bad bits and I will just be me, I'm not sure if it's the old me or the new me but I know now that it's definitely the real me.
There is one thing and this is real and true and there's no question about, whatever happens, this man who fell into my life has almost certainly changed my life for the better, people always come into your life for a reason, I firmly believe that and if his soul purpose was so that I could find out who I really was then for that, I will always be grateful.
My dear Mr. France, who knows what happens from this point on but know this, to this point you have only made life better, you might have a problem believing that but I'm telling you anyway, goodbye and thanks for being the best chapter I've ever written, see you on the other side, when you are you, I am me and we most definitely are just us.
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