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| Me at the Holly Ball 2016 |
It's late and I'm over emotional, I'm writing this in the dark stillness of the night, the place I use to collect my thoughts when I need to get my head in gear. I think I have a grumpy liver today and it's shaped most of my day. Today we have lounged and chilled, I have eaten too much cheese, one too many florentines and I've drunk copious cups of Fortnum and Masons Royal Blend, my liver has been grumpy from too much Christmas excess, Cosmopolitans on Christmas Eve, a bottle of Champagne on Christmas Day and 3 glasses of Prosecco yesterday, maybe that's not a lot for some but it is for me, especially as I have a lack of the enzyme which breaks down the poison in alcohol, I've all but decided to give up alcohol entirely though my doctor tells me I should be ok once a month, so yay for my upcoming birthday! I'll be truthful, though, not drinking alcohol hasn't ever really bothered me, I'd rather give up Champagne than cake though I might miss it on an occasion, I'm just as fun without alcohol, especially when I'm on top form as I have been of late, I am most definitely at my best when I am happy in my heart.
Here's the thing, I am happy in my heart, I genuinely have joy back in my life, it's wonderful and scary and amazing and joyful and terrifying all in the same breath, just having someone say "you look lovely" when you go out for your once yearly ball, it may not be the biggest thing but it's enough.
There really is so much more than you the reader knows of Mr F, to know him thus far is really only half of the story, he is much more amazing than you can imagine, he's crazy bonkers and he's made me laugh so much my sides have hurt, I'm not actually sure why he's not considered a career in comedy but perhaps it was because he was just off being equally brilliant doing other things. I keep telling him that I adore his mind but I'd be lying if I didn't say that he's just my type physically too, I am a big fan of geeky types. For our weekly date this week we Skyped for a couple of hours and then we watched Jonathan Creek together whilst messaging about who we thought was the perpetrator of the dastardly deed, Now I should point out that Mr F is rather good at solving crimes and would probably beat everyone at Cluedo, you should never watch Murder She Wrote with him for he will tell you who did it before Jessica even so much as gets a look in, I'm not suggesting you should call him in a time of crisis but he's just very good with patterns and general brilliance.
What is lovely is feeling like you are watching TV with someone even when they're not physically next to you, maybe the way in which we met and the way in which we are dating isn't traditional, maybe you're sitting there thinking "oh no, that's just a bit too weird" and yes it is weird, it's weird and wonderful and unexplainable and extraordinary but I get just as excited to see Mr F on Skype every week as I would if we were seeing each other in real life and if you're wondering if I feel frustrated that I can't hold his hand or give him a hug or dare I say, kiss him, well, yeah a bit but not as much as you would think because I know that'll happen, maybe though the way we've chosen is the best way, we get to know each other properly, all of our quirks and foibles are there without the added distraction of being attracted to each other, which of course we are, I've never been one to take my time in matters of the heart, I'm over-excitable at the best of times and thus being hundreds of miles apart works for that very reason, it gives us both space and time to spend magical moments together whilst still getting on with our own lives, he did say that one day we'll be able to sit on the sofa together and then, just as you would expect, we'll be on our social media still talking to each other and that's something I just can't wait for...
What is lovely is feeling like you are watching TV with someone even when they're not physically next to you, maybe the way in which we met and the way in which we are dating isn't traditional, maybe you're sitting there thinking "oh no, that's just a bit too weird" and yes it is weird, it's weird and wonderful and unexplainable and extraordinary but I get just as excited to see Mr F on Skype every week as I would if we were seeing each other in real life and if you're wondering if I feel frustrated that I can't hold his hand or give him a hug or dare I say, kiss him, well, yeah a bit but not as much as you would think because I know that'll happen, maybe though the way we've chosen is the best way, we get to know each other properly, all of our quirks and foibles are there without the added distraction of being attracted to each other, which of course we are, I've never been one to take my time in matters of the heart, I'm over-excitable at the best of times and thus being hundreds of miles apart works for that very reason, it gives us both space and time to spend magical moments together whilst still getting on with our own lives, he did say that one day we'll be able to sit on the sofa together and then, just as you would expect, we'll be on our social media still talking to each other and that's something I just can't wait for...
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