When will my life begin?

I must get 10 bonus points for actually having a photo of Rapunzel that I took myself!

Ok, get over yourself Mandy, yes I know, I've resorted to quoting Rapunzel this morning but  "When will my life begin?" keeps coming up on my music selection along with my current themes "I can do better than that" and "Patience" and so I feel there must be a message in there.  Maybe I should grow my hair?

Today, I am stressed out, I woke up at 5am worrying about work and clients and editing and the truth is that 2 weeks ago I had 12 photo shoots, 1 event and 3 weddings to edit and now I have 1 wedding and a couple of events so why I didn't feel quite so angst-ridden as I do right now I'm not really sure.

The thing is I've come to a place in my life where I've been able to accept that I'm not a bad person, this makes up for years where I thought I was destined to go to Hell but that's another blog post entirely.

I don't regret any decision I've ever made in my whole life because every event that has happened has brought me to the place I am today and yesterday as I listened to my numerology report being read to me it confirmed everything, destiny takes you to the places you are supposed to be.  I have a whole blog to write about the Numerology experience but this one is just an off the cuff moment where I suddenly felt compelled to write.

Today I'm going for another session of much needed Reiki, I find that it soothes my soul just enough to get through the weeks, my life is so constantly busy with work and clients and events and openings and I am so very grateful to the place I've got today but as I've said in previous blog posts I feel a little flat and without focus or direction like I'm still waiting for something to happen.  Well more than that now, I know I am on the precipice of something which is big, wonderful and hurtling towards me, I know now that I must keep telling my story and actually that I should write even more than I have been for it's only when I write and share that I truly feel nourished.

Everyone of course has a story to tell and mine isn't necessarily more special than anyone elses but I've been given a voice and I've been given a platform and I'll keep writing for as long as I possibly can.  One day I hope my story will be complete, In my heart, in the empty half which waits to be filled by my soulmate, I have to hope that I will one day feel completely whole again.

There's a saying isn't there that nothing worthwhile was ever simple, that you have truly fight for the things you want in life and no quest is too hard if it in the end completes you, well I hope that's true because so far in my life I have completed a million quests, tripped over a thousand hurdles, loved like I never thought I could and currently I am tired and worn out, I need to take some time for me and that's hard when you're a self employed single parent, it's hard not just financially but also physically because you are aware that so many people have so many great expectations of you, I wonder though, if it's just possible to stop the revolving earth we're on just for a second in time, I long to sit on a sunny beach and watch a sunset, I long to travel, I long to be held in someone's arms who truly loves me, I know that it's all going to happen, I know it in my heart but just for a moment today I wonder, when will my life begin?

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