Unexpected moments of loneliness

For many years dear reader Saturday nights have seemed to offer the same routine, a house full of family, usually just the girls, Iain, Paul and I but I loved it, we didn't do anything special, sometimes we weren't even in the same room as each other but there's a comfort in knowing you're all together in the same place on a Saturday evening.

Don't get me wrong, Last night Iain and Abigail were here and I love my children very much but it's not quite the same as having the person there who you feel you've spent your entire life with, the one who knows the little inside jokes you've built up over so many years, the one who even when they irritate and annoy can still make you laugh.

I know I'll get used to this strange new routine, I have made plans with friends for lots of the alternate weekends when I'll be completely on my own and there's a definite solace in great friendships.  I also think that it's easy to fall into a yearning in those first few days and weeks on your own, your mind can play tricks and I simply have to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and that it's taken me 40 years of my life to finally learn that love is not enough, 2 disparate people with completely different core values cannot conquer everything just because they love each other, unfortunately I don't think love does conquer all, if it did I wouldn't be in this situation.

I think it's going to take a while to get my groove back and get used to not being able to randomly tell someone my inner thoughts or offer a mind dump at any given moment by text message.

Yesterday I bought a new book called 102 Free Things To Do: Inspiring Ideas for a Better Life it's my latest dose of positivity and it contains some truly wonderful suggestions about little ways to make life fuller, better and more fulfilling all for free, if you're at a poignant crossroads in your life or even if you simply want to add a little value which doesn't cost anything why not give it a read, you might just find something you can use to make your life even better.

Today, I'm going to write a list, you can join in too dear reader, just pop that list on paper or in the notes section of your phone or your laptop or anything really and now think about 5 things which you love about your life right now, even if you are having a truly awful time reach inside and find just 5 small things which can still make you smile and then at the dark corners of the day you can remind yourself that no matter how turbulent life's journey becomes you will always have something you can focus on to change your thinking back into a more positive state.  I've always believed in my heart that what you give out comes back so negativity isn't going to breed anything other than negativity but with a smile in your heart, well you just never know what lies ahead just around the corner.