Sometimes in life, and more specifically in matters of the heart things become complicated, especially if you are me, as I commented to Harriet today, if there's an easy path and a tricky and almost death-defying path then you can guarantee I'll choose the way which is ultimately the most perilous. I am at a stage in my life and my existence where my only great issue in the loneliness I feel deep inside me, I have brilliant children, I have amazing, wonderful friends, I have a business I adore and for the most part I get to create through words and images every single day, on paper though and in my heart and soul there's just that one piece of my jigsaw I can't seem to complete.
Did you ever have a moment when you stumbled across someone on the internet and your heart just stopped? (I obviously don't mean literally, or I'd be dead, I'm just being dramatic) In all of the places that I've looked, the last place I thought I would find someone who made my heart skip a beat was right here on the internet on another person's blog.
He first commented on my blog when I posted my dating profile and since then we've become friends, well I think it's the start of something special and I guess there lies the problem, you see, I haven't as yet made a move, I have hinted and I have posted little bits and pieces but I haven't actually said, "You know what? I'm a bit smitten, You rock my world" I don't want to freak him out or frighten him away but I feel our paths were meant to cross at the exact time they did. I'd just made a public statement on my blog about being ready to date again and then recently I found that he'd made pretty much the exact same declaration on his blog at around the same time, not only did they share the exact same sentiments, both articles could have been written by the same person.
Now it could all be synchronicity, it could just be mere coincidence, I almost feel like this kind, intelligent, funny and erudite man could be someone really special but I'm British and we can't say that, plus if I did just say that after a few weeks of speaking to each other (and lets not forget that's all that's happened, he lives over 300 miles away and we've never so much spoken on the phone to this point, and oh, I hate the phone, I hate speaking on the phone, calling people, answering the phone...) I'm scared it would terrify him.
When I was married it was to a selfish manly buffoon who never so much as shed a tear at even the saddest of romantic movies so I made it my quest to find a soulmate that would be a new age man, one who was sensitive and gentle and one with whom I could sit and watch a sad movie and we could cry together. I don't care about money or material gain, I'm not worried about how far apart we live, age differences, social statuses and even being at different life stages really doesn't bother me because when you find a mind and soul you want to be with, nothing else matters, when those two hearts find each other the universe or God, whatever you want to believe, pulls their souls together with an unstoppable force, you can call it serendipity or synchronicity but I believe it's just about finding your destiny.
Edit, I wrote this post a few days ago and have since made a decision and was brave enough to tell the man in question and we are going on a date with cake and coffee although it is via Skype at this point, I'm aiming to make it to London soon. I should have just published this when I wrote it but I guess I wanted to be able to tell him rather than have him read it, I know he always believes you should just write and then publish what you feel because it's your space but at the same time but it would have quite clearly ruined the declaration😉
Edit, I wrote this post a few days ago and have since made a decision and was brave enough to tell the man in question and we are going on a date with cake and coffee although it is via Skype at this point, I'm aiming to make it to London soon. I should have just published this when I wrote it but I guess I wanted to be able to tell him rather than have him read it, I know he always believes you should just write and then publish what you feel because it's your space but at the same time but it would have quite clearly ruined the declaration😉
I'll end with one of the most epic quotes in one of my favourite movies of all time because this to me is how it's meant to be in the end...
1. "I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." "When Harry Met Sally"
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